Thursday, February 2, 2012

What's new? Well, I haven't completely figured out my car situation yet. I talked to the insurance company last night and they were looking into getting me a rental car while my car is fixed (ya, they think it'll be fixable.. I don't know how i feel about it since that means that it'll have an accident on its record making it worth less.. ) But anyway, I don't know for sure how that will even work out though since I am under 21 years old. So, I might have a rental car for a while.. might not. But we'll see. Monica and Scott Got married this past weekend! I'm so happy for them and their future together! They make me feel like I have hope. Haha I'm excited to have what they have.. and go through the temple. I can only imagine how different my life would be. Ah, so excited Haha. This weekend is Lexi Aurich's bachelorette party too. Everyone's getting married or having babies. I almost feel like I'm getting left in the dust. Haha not really though.. at all. Prettymuch all of my really close friends are not even close to engagement.. so we're good!
My new job is going well. It is very boring though, I will admit.. considering that I'm blogging at work as I'm updating this and doing every other possible thing I can think of to entertain myself on the computer. There isn't a whole lot to do throughout the day. Basically the only activities I have to do every day is take a sign out to the street in the morning when I get in, post a craigslist ad (which takes like 2 minutes maximum) and then I have nothing to do until my lunch break at 12. Then after I get back at 1, I do the mail for all the companies in the building which takes maybe a half hour tops.. then I get to sit there until 5 unless random things come up. Which, Sometimes they do, but they usually don't take more than a couple minutes.. So probably 80-90% of my day is spent messing around on the computer (like so), drawing, texting, listening to music, reading (and that says a lot cuz I HATE reading), etc, etc. I've had a lot of time on Pinterest which has inspired me to experiment with my hair and things like that. I've come up with things like this.
Today, my friend Summer who I worked at Overson Roofing with, let me know that they were thinking of taking me back and having me do prettymuch the same thing I was doing except with telemarketing in the afternoon. So I don't know for sure if that's possible, but I might take that. It literally just came up, so I don't know. They would definately pay me better than here, which is $8ph. When I was working at Overson as a receptionist, they paid me $9ph and that was without telemarketing. So who knows how it'll work... or if it will. I've also kind of been thinking about becoming a pharmacy technician. Literally, it's just a thought right now. My brother in law is a pharmacy tech and he has the book to study from.. so I'm going to see how well I can grasp the concept of it and if I feel confident enough, I might just do that!
Recently, since my job has given me so much extra time.. I have thought a lot about life and things that I have been dealing with recently. I've thought about how I could help it go differently or how I can avoid the problems I've been facing. One that has been on my mind pretty heavily is dating. (OF COURSE) Haha people say it's a wonderful time of life.. although it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I often catch myself in situations where guys back out on me and don't commit to a relationiship. As I have been looking at how I approach dating and relationships.. I've noticed that even though I get hurt a lot by guys.. I end up in the situation again and again. So I can only wonder why, right? I know there are little details of each situation I've come across that make them different, but overall, they have the same outcome and prettymuch the same problem. I commit to guys very easily.. and I know that is going to be a very good strength in the future, but right now.. I've realised that I haven't been the smartest about it. Let me kind of expand on what goes through my mind when I'm interested in a guy. As soon as I'm interested in a guy and start talking to them on a normal basis, mentally.. I don't let myself like anyone else and I end up making them such a priority before I even completely trust them. It's almost like I am too loyal. Which I guess I just need to learn to be loyal and cautious at the same time.
I have a hard time opening up.. always have. I don't really talk about deep things with people I don't know really well. I was kind of raised that way.. my family doesn't really talk too deep to eachother very often or express very much emotion towards eachother. That, I think has had a big effect on me and why I don't do that very quickly with people I meet. I don't like to feel like I'm prying or anything. I know I need to just relax and take it easy, but It's a lot easier said than done. Little things going through school have made me that way though I think. I use to be very self concious about talking and being myself. I've always had prettymuch the same best friends who have helped me so much with that. Them, I don't have a problem with talking about anything. That's how it should be. Since high school, I have opened up so much and have become a lot less shy and more confident. But, mentally.. those insecurities are still there.
My goal right now is to keep working on myself, have fun with dating and my social life, and honestly.. I've gotta play harder to get. Haha as much as I hate playing games and hate people that do.. I understand why people do now. It's a safety net. The people that really want to be a part of your life will make it happen and they will make it known. THAT is when I'll let someone in. I know that dating is a trial and error deal.. so I can only expect it to keep failing until I've found the right one.. but It's time for progress. I don't wanna deal with the same problems over and over. I don't feel like I'm progressing this way. So, it's time for change!